Author: Mathew Kumar

  • UFO 50 #3: Ninpek (Suhrke, 2024)

    UFO 50 #3: Ninpek (Suhrke, 2024)

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  • Head On (Sega/Gremlin, 1979)

    Head On (Sega/Gremlin, 1979)

    Developed/Published by: Sega/Gremlin
    Released: 04/1979
    Completed: 18/03/20206
    Completion: Finished one screen. High score of 2685. I’ll take it.

    It’s been a while since I’ve dug this far back into gaming history, but, for reasons, I decided it was time. I’ve already played–and written about–the most important dot eater of all, Pac-Man (see exp. 2600) but Head On has incredible importance as the first maze chase dot eater. That sounds like a very specific genre, and when you look at Head On, not exactly a perfect description, considering it has really no maze to speak of. But Head On is still really important, so I went to some unnecessary effort to play it. [“You may wish to skip this following waffle. I’ll let you know when you can come back.”–Ed.]

    You see, I can’t remember if I own Sega Ages 2500 Series Vol. 23: Sega Memorial Selection, the only home release of this game, or not. I know I don’t own a physical copy–lord knows I missed my window on that–but I’m pretty sure I own it on PS3 via the Japanese PlayStation Network.

    However.

    I’ve forgotten my login for Japanese PSN; and the PS3 I know I was logged into I don’t (currently) have access to. So that’s annoying. I could burn a copy, maybe, but why not just use it as an opportunity to finally dip my toe into the exciting world of PS2 emulation?

    I know the first think you’re going to say. “Why emulate a 1979 arcade game via a 2005 PS2 compilation on a different machine? Why have a double layer of emulation?”

    To be honest, I don’t really have a good excuse. But this Memorial Selection1 included a “updated” version of Head On, and that seemed interesting and worth the effort.

    And there my troubles began. I installed Retrodeck on my Steam Deck; easy, so far so good. But then I had to find a PS2 bios. And then I put what I thought was a working copy of the Sega Memorial Selection into the right folder but the (emulated) PS2 kept giving me the red screen of sadness instead of loading it, leading to a (far too lengthy) amount of time where I kept trying different regions in the hope that would change something (it doesn’t) until I finally hit upon the idea that even if the PS2 emulator in question claimed it read the kind of file I was trying to use (CUE and BIN, which does sound like a show about a snooker player teaming up with a binman to solve mysteries)  it… doesn’t? Or at least not this one?

    So then it was having to download an ISO tool on Linux–because most people were like “oh just use the command line” and sack that on the Steam Deck–converting it… and then it worked!

    Now, I know that wasn’t very interesting [“Do you? You still wrote it down”–Ed.] but it stood out to me a bit because it reminded me that the internet is completely fucking useless now. There are some oases; archive.org you beautiful bastard. But for the most part, you search for anything and you’re either getting scam websites, or AI garbage, and the more esoteric your problem the more useless even Reddit becomes. Just one of those evenings where you think “hmm, isn’t this hobby supposed to be fun?”

    And all to play, uh… Head On. 

    [“You can come back now.”–Ed.]

    Head On is interesting in Sega’s history because it comes from the (fairly short) window of time when they were Sega/Gremlin. Now any student of video game history knows that Sega began as Service Games and was founded by Americans (gasp… or not, I mean Taito was founded by a Ukrainian, it’s fine. People from all sorts of countries can found companies. You’ll survive). Probably fewer keep at the front of their mind that between 1969-1984 they were owned by Gulf and Western (a quirk which allowed them to put out a licensed Fonz game.) And in the late 70s, they were struggling. There’s some great context from The Golden Age Arcade Historian, a now seemingly defunct blog:

    “Sega’s plan for U.S. domination had not gone very well. In fiscal year 1977, Sega actually lost almost $800,000 overall and its American arm was responsible for almost all of it … many operators were reluctant to take a chance on a new game in the midst of an industry downturn. As a result, Sega released just two new games in the American market in fiscal year 1978. If Sega was going to compete in the U.S. market they needed to do something – and fast.”

    Gremlin was also struggling. The Golden Age Arcade Historian has even more excellent research on the inexperienced company’s disastrous entry into the arcade industry with Blockade, with companies such as Atari ripping them off with games such as Dominoes while they struggled to to get Blockade to market.

    I’m sure the decision to purchase a different American arcade manufacturer came with a lot of boring business reasons that I don’t quite understand, but one wonders if they truly understood what they were buying was Lane Hauck, the company’s star game designer who, for some reason, is poorly remembered now (the best piece of writing about him is from a 1982 article in the San Diego Reader by a Jeannette DeWyze, thankfully online.)

    Hired by Gremlin on the strength of a homebrew blackjack console(!) he was the one who eventually pushed the company from “wall games” (a kind of electromechanical game) into video games, notably designing first Blockade, the true original snake game, and Depthcharge, before creating Head On.


    Depthcharge: An Aside

    In my article about Atari’s Destroyer, I said:

    “the story here is that Destroyer definitely began as a rip-off: after ripping off Gremlin’s Blockade for Dominoes, Atari seemed like they really wanted to stick the boot in, ripping off Gremlin’s slow anti-submarine shooter Depthcharge with a far flashier game.”

    Interestingly, I probably spoke too quickly. DeWyze:

    “Frank Fogleman recalls that just a few days after Gremlin had applied for legal protection of the “Depthcharge” name. Atari showed up at the copyright office to file an application under the very same name for a game that was almost identical to Gremlin’s initial prototype. Because Atari then had to change its game’s name and refile, Fogleman says Atari suffered a slight delay in coming to the marketplace … Fogleman says the incident prompted hours of speculation within Gremlin over whether Atari had pirated the idea. ‘Finally, we decided it was just coincidence. But you always wonder.’

    Hauck agrees it was probably chance. ‘When you spend a lot of hours, as I do, sitting around and trying to think up games, you soon realize that there really is a quite limited choice of what you can do.’”


    Head On was actually designed before the Sega acquisition–with a two-player mode tried and failed–and benefited greatly from it. With Space Invaders beginning the “lives” era of arcade games–most of the games before just used a timer–a designer at the Japanese arm (Hauck: “An industry veteran there who had invented every game Sega had ever done … He was a very venerated guy on the verge of retirement”2) advised that they change the game from a timer to a lives system–resulting in a game that was so popular in Japan they’d, well, give it pride of place in a Sega Ages collection.

    Even with the change to a lives system, Head On is very much a game of its time. It’s the kind of thing that you could imagine could have got an “arcade perfect” port on the ZX Spectrum. In the game, there are five lanes full of dots, with gaps in which you can switch lanes. You drive a small car and can push a button to go faster, and there’s another car (more than one, later in the game) that’s going in the opposite direction of you that’s trying to cause a horrific accident by smashing into you as fast as possible before you collect all the dots. The trick is that you cannot turn around. Your only option for avoiding this other car is to change lanes, but they can (and will) change lanes as soon as you do to try and keep their target in their sights, meaning you have to play the game by savvily modifying your speed–you can change two lanes when you aren’t going full speed, which the opposing car cannot do, and as they can only change lanes at the same places you can, you can try and ensure they don’t have the opportunity to change before you pass them.

    To a modern player, Head On is… well, it’s not great. It’s punishing, because the entire map resets after every death, meaning that you can only move onto a future level if you do it in one go (though like Pac-Man, there aren’t different maps). It’s also really frustrating to control. You aren’t controlling the car like you’re driving it (push left or right) you’re pushing the car in the direction on screen you want it to go (so if it’s travelling across the screen, you need to push up or down to change lanes.) I found this unbelievably confusing; I feel like audiences in the 70s might have found this more understandable, but it’s such a different way of understanding your relationship to what’s happening on screen it’s almost unbearable, though I did (eventually) get comfortable with it. A bit, anyway.

    It also struggles with, surprisingly, complexity. Like Pac-Man, it seems to be a pattern game: you are trying to find the ideal path through the level because the enemy car is largely predictable. This means that you want to (for example) go full speed at first, and not change into the second outermost lane until the last second, and then change into the middle lane after two turns, and so on. The problem is unlike Pac-Man, where you are only focused on turning, in Head On you need to be extremely aware of when and how to change your speed to “juke” the enemy. I don’t hesitate to believe that with many more hours of practice I could walk my way through the first level, but it’s somehow much more taxing than performing Pac-Man’s patterns.

    If you put in the time–like I did, somewhat–it’s frustrating but moreish; I was determined to see the next screen. It’s responsive and quick to restart; the lure of collecting all the dots is irresistible and the lives system must have been a huge draw at the time even if–I suspect–the game was less attractive than just playing Space Invaders again (though that it’s so much faster has something to it.)


    Head On (2005)

    Obviously, I also played the “updated” 2005 version included in Sega Ages 2500 Series Vol. 23: Sega Memorial Selection; after all, I went to all that trouble. According to Sega Retro it seems to have been developed by Japan Art Media, and it makes the (strange, in my opinion) decision to change everything into lights rather than go with a car theme. There are some new collectibles that can do stupid stuff like make the map invisible based on when you pick it up, and they’ve tried to make the on ramp smoother by having more maps that start with many more ways to change lanes and enemy cars that, frankly, just don’t seem that bothered about attacking you.

    It’s just… very ugly and inessential. The text in the middle of the screen makes it look like the game is being obscured by the pause menu (it’s not–there’s not supposed to be anything there) and if the original is fast to get going, and fast to restart, this takes too long to really feel like anything. The Sega Ages 2500 remake era is not fondly remembered, and largely with good reason; it would have made far more sense to not bother to include this rubbish and instead include Head On’s sequels and derivatives. 


    Head On has a pretty huge legacy, even before Pac-Man. There’d be a sequel (Head On 2) and clones a-go-go in the arcades (such as Taito’s Space Chaser) and at home (Atari 2600’s Dodge ‘Em, which I guess you’ll be able to read about in exp. 2603). It makes it all the stranger that having basically created two of the most memorable game designs ever that Lane Hauck isn’t not just better remembered but openly celebrated. But surprisingly, after 1980 he isn’t (according to Mobygames) credited on any more video games, only following Head On with Carnival. I reached the limits of my investigative skills here, but thankfully Ethan Johnson of The History Of How We Play is working on a book about the San Diego arcade scene with a focus on Gremlin, and he was able to let me know that the last game Lane finished that was released was Tac/Scan in 1982, and that (sadly) Lane was let go from Gremlin in 1983, “after Gremlin had been sold for pieces.”

    Before that happened, though, there’s a maudlin conclusion to DeWyze’s article on him:

    “I’m really torn. Sometimes I feel like I’m a Christian Scientist pharmacist. I mean, there are super-good things to do with microcomputers, but I don’t consider this one of them. Talk to any honest speaking game designer and you find him trying to legitimize what he’s doing. I feel that way. I want to grow up and do something legitimate some day.’’

    In 2026 I hope he understands: everything he did was legitimate, and we owe him a lot.

    Will I ever play it again? I will, in the form of Dottori-kun, which was included on the Astro City Mini.

    Final Thought:  In an absolutely bizarre “it’s a small world” detail, we owe him for more than just Blockade and Head On, because he was friends with Trip Hawkins’ dad. 

    From Stanford’s Alumni magazine in 2012:

    “My father in the 1970s had worked in San Diego with a brilliant engineer named Lane Hauck who later made arcade games … Around 1971 Lane bought a PDP-8 kit and built it at home. It was a box about the size of a bureau drawer, with red lights and switches and was connected to a KSR-33 printer, the kind then used in newsrooms (like a ticker, only bigger) with the rolls of yellow paper, and it could pound out 10 characters per second. (I can hear the chugging sound even now.)

    Lane built a game called MOO, similar to what later emerged as a board game called Mastermind, where you try to guess a four-digit number. You would enter a four-digit guess on the KSR-33 keyboard and it would then tell you how many moos and cows you had. A cow was the right digit in the wrong place; a moo was the right digit in the right place. On one round of the game I got the answer in three turns and Lane was upset, he didn’t think that was possible and thought I’d only made a lucky guess. Of course I already knew I loved games and was already interested in computers and was already making board games … Playing on Lane’s PDP-8 kit was a key event on my road to determining by 1975 that I was going to make computer games and found my own company.

    Yes, I decided in the summer of 1975 that I would found EA in 1982. And as they say, the rest is history.3

    Updated 01/04/26: Ethan Johnson caught a few errors/omissions in the original article. The date of Gulf and Western’s ownership of Sega was corrected, as was the reason for Lane’s hiring, the sourcing of Shikanosuke Ochi, and Lane’s last game with Sega/Gremlin.

    1. Annoyingly, Sega have a weird (bad) habit of re-using the name “Sega Memorial Selection” using it for two Saturn compilations and a PC compilation. And the first volume of the Saturn one includes Head On as well. So I could have emulated a Saturn to emulate it. But that would have been crazy!!! ↩︎
    2. Wikipedia has this down as Shikanosuke Ochi, seemingly unsourced source: Ethan Johnson! ↩︎
    3. I suspect some people might think we should blame Hauck for this, considering what EA has turned into. But I personally have a fondness for what Hawkins was trying to do with EA, at least at first. What the company is now really doesn’t seem like his fault. ↩︎

  • Consume Me (Hsia/Thompson, 2025)

    Consume Me (Hsia/Thompson, 2025)

    Developed/Published by: Jenny Jiao Hsia, AP Thompson, Jie En Lee, Violet W-P, Ken “coda” Snyder / Hexecutable
    Released: 07/08/2025
    Completed: 19/02/2026
    Completion: Finished it, A++.

    Hmm. You know, often with these essays I can tie myself in knots with structure, trying to introduce things gradually, poetically [“what are you talking about.”–Ed.] but sometimes I think it makes sense to just say things really plainly up front and then pick it apart from there. So.

    Consume Me is a solid, engaging life sim with immaculate vibes, held back by repetitive minigames, frustrating UI, ambiguous themes and an ending that is, I think, a cop out.

    Phew.

    Let’s try and work through that, eh?

    Consume Me is an autobiographical game from Jenny Jiao Hsia and AP Thomson (who actually worked together on Fortune-499, which I didn’t even realise when I played that) and it absolutely cleared house at the IGF in 2025, picking up the Nuovo Award, Wings Award and the Seamus McNally Grand Prize. It’s self described as a game about feeling “stupid, fat, lazy, and ugly in high school” which I think basically everyone reading this probably recognises (you’re reading about a video game on the internet, don’t lie to me) and explores that via classic life sim mechanics and mini-games: days progress, and on each day there will be some set things you have to do (such as eating your lunch) and then you have a set amount of free time during which you can choose some other things to do, which affect your character’s growth, generally with the idea that you’re building your character to some ideal that either you or the game has decided. So, for example, in Consume Me you can choose to read a book to improve your academic skill; or work out to increase your athletic skill (and lose some “bites”, the game’s obfuscation of calories.)

    Like in other life sims, these actions have a cost more than just using up a time unit; they can cost you happiness, energy, or even increase your hunger, which require that you perform actions that can restore them: so, for example, you can eat a protein bar to feel fuller, or read a comic book for pleasure rather than something educational.

    Of course, your choices can be constrained. Each week you’ve got a series of goals that have (generally) been set by Jenny’s own expectations (represented by herself in the mirror making demands.) So Jenny requires that she keep to a strict diet–meaning you can’t eat too much at lunch or need to waste precious time on working out. Jenny might demand that she score particularly well on a test at school that week, requiring you read books or do practice tests–which might be difficult to fit in if she also needs to do chores. You need to walk the dog, clean the bathroom and keep up on laundry or you’ll be stuck wearing dirty clothes–though those actions at least earn allowance.

    Split up into 5 chapters of a week each, this design really works. I really appreciate that the game is very open about what it is: a strict time/resource management puzzle where you’re trying to absolutely min-max everything to reach obvious goals. If you’re familiar with life sims, you probably know that even with the ones that promise a more fuzzy “play it out and see what you get” experience can quickly devolve into min-maxing and save scumming, because it’s almost impossible to stop yourself. Better just be honest and say “this is a puzzle.”

    At first, too, it’s going to seem great. The art–by Hsia and Jie En Lee–is perfect. It’s simple and incredibly evocative; cute without being cloying. Along with the music and sound design (from Ken “coda” Snyder and Violet W-P) you feel absolutely wrapped up in Consume Me’s world. And the mini-games are pretty fun to learn. Lunches start with a balancing mechanic but that (unusually) gets completely discarded for a Blokus-like game where you’re trying to fit a small range of lunch options onto your plate without eating too many bites. When doing makeup or cleaning you control Jenny’s hand and swish it around to try and get as much done before the timer runs out. When exercising you try to position Jenny’s body to match hand and head markers, trying to move slowly because otherwise she flails around wildly. Laundry involves folding clothes; reading involves trying to keep Jenny’s eye on the book and away from distractions; walking the dog is a slightly odd game that reminds me of something or other where you’re tethered to the dog, and either you or the dog rotate around the other and you have to time actions to actually move forward (while also picking up money and letting the dog relieve themselves.)

    The problem is that as a min-max focused life sim, you are going to want to nail these minigames, and if you don’t… you’re going to want to save scum. I think there’s some important stuff to say about this in terms of the game’s themes, but if we take it purely mechanically… you are going to get sick of these minigames. They don’t change in any way across the game, and some–notably the makeup mini game–you will do every single day, possibly more than once, and that they’re quick is not really an excuse, because it gets really boring once you fully grasp how to play them.

    What’s arguably worse is that I never got comfortable with the UI. The game has that traditional life-sim look–you’ve got to have a big piece of art of the main character at all times, I genuinely agree with that–but it means that everything you need to do is in this infinite scroll menu at the bottom and other information is in the large sidebar. I don’t know what it is–maybe the way the game returns you to the main screen from mini games, maybe the lack of tiny icons for categories–but I spent significantly more time than I’d like scrolling through this menu back and forth even when I knew exactly what I wanted to do; it was easily as annoying as the interface in Zombi, and that’s from 1986 and by a group of French teenagers. I eventually worked out that by pushing the right stick(!) I could quickly switch categories, but that never solved the falderal of trying to use the sidebar, where your goals often have to be scrolled in order for you to see them all. Generally meaning that there’d be this long sequence where I had to flick back and forth between the sidebar and menu repeatedly to decide what I was going to do next, but actually doing way more scrolling and pausing the game than I intended. Not fun!!!

    To be honest, I think I could have accepted these issues if as Consume Me went on I didn’t lose sight of what it’s about. When the game begins, it’s implying itself to be a life sim satire of the pressures on a teen girl, with meaningful growth replaced with an unhealthy drive to lose weight. Indeed the game opens with a sensitive warning that the game’s focus disordered eating might be stressful or upsetting, and I think most players will cede to the game’s unhealthy demands thinking they’re playing along until the other shoe drops; the one that recasts the behaviour the game forces on you. But it doesn’t really happen! After the first chapter, the diet aspect of the game recedes into the background as just one of your tasks, and the expectations of the rest of the game’s system don’t just force but reward even more extreme, unhealthy behaviour.

    Now, that Consume Me has a nice, crunchy set of systems is perhaps the main pleasure of the game, I think it even makes sense that they’re open enough to be exploitable, but it’s interesting that the game actively encourages you to give Jenny an absolutely warped existence. At one point in-game you’re given an extra goal to do 16 activities in one day (you normally get 2) and there’s an achievement to write two essays in one day, which requires something absolutely absurd like 28 actions. This means that you have to abuse energy drinks, coffee and staying up late to hit your goals, and the issue is the game’s punishments are limited (headaches) and the things you lose–energy, happiness, fullness–are restored easily by abusing other actions like changing into clothes that increase them again or spamming zero time-cost actions. 

    As I said, I kept expecting this to all come down on Jenny’s head but it just doesn’t. Now, you could argue it would be too obvious, too moralistic, but I think it would have been interesting to use the player’s urge to min-max against them. To do something like show them that they kept Jenny up till 4am after drinking 12 energy drinks and then made her do eight yoga sessions in a row, and then show how genuinely unhealthy that would be. Maybe twist it so that it turns out that the puzzle you were supposed to be solving was giving Jenny a balanced life.

    The game instead has a mechanical implication that you can do all of these things and get away with them, because Jenny’s big “I can’t do this any more” moment has nothing to do with any of that: instead it’s that her long distance boyfriend breaks up with her (like you obviously know is going to happen.)

    Now, in some respects, I shouldn’t criticise this; it appears to be one of the most autobiographical things in the game. But at the same time, it draws into focus that Consume Me’s issue is that the decision to be autobiographical works in complete cross purpose to the game’s largely mechanically-focused play. It turns out that nothing you’re doing matters. The mechanics are not actually thematically important; indeed, after the break-up the wheels come off entirely and you experience an extensive (if interactive) endgame cutscene where Jenny imagines the future that she believed she was working towards and then the real future that Hsia has.

    This segment reminded of Despelote, another game that pulls the curtain back at the end of the game in a way that I think could feel like a cop out, but which rings true because it more cleanly lampshades the game’s fictions to help push the player towards the underlying truth. Here instead the turn to full autobiography feels purely solipsistic. The Jenny you created–or thought you were creating–is secondary to the “real” one, and it ends up with (I think) a far more cliché ending: the “well, it seemed really important when I was a teenager, but I ended up who I was going to be and that’s alright. Good actually.”

    Consume Me might be a pretty decent life sim–minigames and UI issues aside–but it’s complicated by how much it implies it’s about something important but it really isn’t about it at all. I’m not sure it’s ultimately about anything, really, which makes game rewarding you for min-maxing dieting feel… well, I don’t have enough knowledge to say if it’s actively harmful (I do think the game is pretty obvious and consistent that what Jenny is doing is ridiculous) but it does feel like there’s something ill-conceived about the entire thing.

    Oh well. It is really cute though.

    Will I ever play it again? I absolutely rinsed this, because of my min-max brain problems, so I have no reason to.

    Final Thought: Something I didn’t mention–couldn’t quite find a place for it–is that more than for its potentially problematic mechanics, Consume Me has led to some controversy for featuring a religious aspect (a bit like and Roger…). I think the game’s store description is a bit disingenuous: it says of Jesus “don’t worry! He doesn’t do anything” but he actually does: he gives you a new mechanic, praying, that solves a tremendously frustrating issue you have in the game’s chapter 5 difficulty spike.

    Probably the weirdest thing about the introduction of religion is it’s introduced with an unbelievably long section where a song that I can only describe as having “Mountain Goats energy” plays (Is it supposed to be funny? I honestly couldn’t tell.) I wouldn’t have minded religion appearing (I didn’t have a big issue with it in and Roger… and it is a part of a lot of people’s lives) other than it happens at the point in the game where you think Jenny’s demands on herself are catching up to her and the game is intentionally taking you to a point where you can’t keep up, and then it just straight up fixes the problem. It’s another example of the uneasy mix of mechanics and autobiography–I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it really does feel like Consume Me might have worked better leaning more on the and Roger…/Florence design, taking the player through the minigames to tell Hsia’s story without all the potentially problematic life sim cruft. It’s even got the same teeth brushing!

  • F1 (2025)

    F1 (2025)

    It’d be easy to dismiss this film as dadslop, and don’t get me wrong, it absolutely is dadslop, but really F1 is an exercise in reputation-washing; for F1, which itself only seems to exist to sportswash, and for Brad Pitt, who after abuse allegations needed a movie that portrayed him as the coolest man who ever lived.

    It is absurd (though sadly due to the crushing length and absolute tedium of most of this film, never hilarious) the lengths this movie goes to to make Brad Pitt seem cool. Obviously, there are articles on the “charm offensive” that Pitt has undertaken, but this movie has the mania of a low-budget vanity project that just happened to cost hundreds of million dollars. You cannot watch this film and not see a man who seems to be willing himself to be the reincarnation of Robert Redford even though at the time of filming he wasn’t dead yet. If you told me Pitt was doing weird demonic rituals, burning frames from The Natural in the middle of a pentagram, snorting them, mixing them with his blood, crying, screaming, “make me Robert Redford but cooler” I’d shrug and go “seems believable.”

    You could say I’m beating up on Pitt a bit too much here; after all Tom Cruise has been playing the greatest man who ever lived in every movie he’s made for years now, and his closets will almost certainly spring open one day with a comedy “BOI-O-OING” noise and shower everyone with a Paris Catacombs. But (bar the last) those movies seemed to still be genuinely engaged with entertaining, whereas F1 seems like it only sprung into existence because someone at Apple collated user data and worked out that F1 had a cross-cultural synergy across age groups when paired with X established actor and blah blah blah fucking blah.

    Despite being pointlessly bloated, you almost have to respect F1’s monomania. Sure, the movie is like they grabbed sport movie clichés from a bag like Scrabble tiles and scattered them without care–the movie doesn’t even bother to feature an “evil” racing team of burly Swedes or something, and it really does miss them (a shot of Lewis Hamilton snarling doesn’t count)–but you can see that they needed to expend that effort on showing that in every situation Pitt’s character is not just right but unselfishly so. The other driver on the team he’s parachuted into hates him with the burning passion of a toddler who’s been told he has to let his brother get a shot on the steering wheel, and yet Pitt does nothing but work his arse off to elevate him. He gets (understandably) annoyed once, then immediately goes back to being a cool big brother who “lets him win”. The trad. “darkest before dawn” moment only comes because he’s just so damn angry on the team’s behalf. And the movie pulls an incredible “have your cake and eat it” move in the finale, where he wins the big final race because he was trying to selflessly not win it.

    The movie drowns in hagiographic detail. There’s a section in this movie where Pitt’s character defends a member of the pit crew who made a mistake and then later gives her a pep talk; this character has basically nothing to do with anything else in the movie (indeed they have no character to speak of) and it immediately reminded me of the part of Tiger Schroff vehicle Heropanti 2 where he offers to help someone in a wheelchair who transparently doesn’t need help. You could cut this stuff!!! The movie is 155 minutes long!!!

    I suppose your question at this point might be “well, is the driving any good?” and it’s… fine. Car go fast is good, obviously, though there’s not that much of it, because we need to hear from a lot of characters restating exposition instead, and as an Apple film they don’t want you to have to look up from your laundry too much anyway. And I did find the moment in the climax where we’re supposed to experience the transcendence of speed confusing because it really reads like Brad Pitt is about to die. Of course, the only way that would have happened in this movie would have been so he could meet god, who would be like “ah man, I can’t compete. You’re just so cool.”

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  • Smash Ping Pong (Konami, 1987)

    Smash Ping Pong (Konami, 1987)

    Developed/Published by: Konami / Nintendo
    Released: 30/05/1987
    Completed: 09/04/2025
    Completion: Beat a computer opponent!

    Smash Ping Pong is a bit of a mystery in the Famicom Disk System line-up, and Nintendo’s history in general. Created, and originally released, by Konami in arcades (and on other home systems such as MSX) as Konami’s Ping Pong, for some reason Nintendo put it out on the FDS themselves. This is especially odd when Konami were one of the few third-party developers to go all-in on the FDS–like Nintendo: their new releases were on disk, not cartridge.

    There’s a few possibilities as to how Nintendo ended up publishing this, but it does seem to stem from its very likely background as a port that Konami had kicking around in the back of a cupboard unreleased. In fact, The Cutting Room Floor says as much: that there is “ample evidence” that it’s a salvaged cartridge release, most damning that the game code includes a serial number that aligns with “missing” serial numbers from Konami’s early Famicom lineup.

    The question really is: why put a game that’s already a couple of years old by this point out on the FDS? Well, Nintendo will have almost certainly been looking for more games to help quickly fill out the add-on’s catalogue, and sports games are a perennial filler.

    Or, perhaps Konami considered it more profitable to fob Smash Ping Pong off on Nintendo to handle all the publishing duties for, considering the Famicom Disk System’s licensing terms anyway, which requested partial copyright ownership and royalties compared to the complete wild west of Famicom cartridges.

    But having said all that, it might just be that someone at Nintendo really liked Konami Ping Pong! Because… it’s really good?

    I’ll admit to not having much experience with ping pong games before this–I’ve never played the much loved Rockstar Table Tennis, for example–so I don’t know if what Smash Ping Pong does is unusual or influential, but I am extremely impressed with a design that cleverly side-steps any questions like “well, why not just play a tennis video game, aren’t they the same?”

    You see, in Smash Ping Pong, you don’t control the movement of your paddle. Your disembodied hand and paddle already track the position of the ball. The game is instead entirely about which strikes you use, and the timing of your strikes.

    While this takes a bit of getting used to–and the speed of the game doesn’t help, but then it is ping pong–savvily the game only features three kinds of strikes: drive (a fast strike) cut (a slower strike) and smash (self explanatory?), chosen with a tap of the d-pad, plus the ability to change if you’re holding the paddle fore or backhand by holding A, which can change the direction of the strike.

    It is shockingly elegant, and I think is one of the best examples of a game trying to replicate the experience of playing a sport at least at this early stage I’ve seen. You don’t have to think about positioning–in ping pong, it’s about hitting the ball, not about getting into position to hit the ball, right? And so it’s all about watching the ball and getting into a rally, trying to force your opponent into a mistake. You don’t need to think too much, but you do need to practice and learn how to guide the ball in an advantageous way, when to change strikes, when to change to fore or back hand.

    Screenshots really don’t bring across how exciting this game is to play.

    There is some “give” to the design though. When a strike goes awry, either from your or your opponent, a tone is played to make it clear this is a slow, easy ball that you can smash–usually an easy point unless you’re at the far end of the table and don’t change hand position. 

    It just… works, and while it does suffer from the classic “one player is at the back of the screen” issue of this kind of game (though it switches positions to keep it fair) Famicom owners who played it probably found this one of the most balanced and engaging sports games for two players on the system. Not as flashy as Pro Wrestling, but a good companion.

    It does fall down a bit on single player though. You can select difficulties and play either first to 11 or first to 21 matches, but there’s no tournament or campaign mode; you just play a single match and you’re done, at best a practice mode to get you up to speed to play another human. They do try for some character–the Famicom Disk System mascot Diskun shows up, and Donkey Kong is in the crowd (he probably didn’t want to go see the tennis, what with Mario being there) but it’s not quite enough to keep the attention.

    I guess you could imagine upping difficulty as a tournament, but it’s hardly satisfying.

    I’ve talked previously about the kind of “curated” collection you would want to end up with if you were a Famicom collector–a selection of games you might actually play on occasion rather than just have on shelves–and this would 100% be in mine along with Pro Wrestling. Didn’t expect that at all.

    Will I ever play it again? I would love to. It’s funny, while playing this I was struck by the question of how often “retro” gamers actually play these old games with other people, or if they do just sit in collections. Because this is ripe to be rediscovered–it doesn’t feel like a design where you’re better off playing a newer ping pong game instead, because it’s so focused and complete as it is.

    Final Thought: I liked this so much I wanted to see if it was fondly remembered by Japanese players so looked it up Nintendo’s handy Famicom 40th Anniversary site, only to learn, tragically, that it didn’t even get a sniff at the “What do you think of when you hear ‘sports game’?” poll, which had rank rubbish like Volleyball in ninth.

  • The exp. Culture Awards 2025

    The exp. Culture Awards 2025

    exp. Is generally intended to be a video game website, but I like writing about film as well, so I think I can get away with celebrating my year in culture in general. Which I suppose makes it sound like I’m going to be sharing books and art shows I went to, but it’s just music and films and that, innit. I mean this is a video game website.

    Single Of The Year: Hayley Williams – True Believer

    Edge case here as this was, along with every other song on Hayley William’s Ego Death At A Bachelorette Party, originally put online as a “single” but isn’t actually classed as a single on things like Wikipedia. But of course, such distinction is kind of meaningless these days. As I said on Bluesky, there are echoes of Chino Moreno’s ††† here, and I can’t help but loop it.

    Album Of The Year: Deafheaven – Lonely People with Power

    Probably wasn’t going to be anything else. I was shocked when I heard Deafhaven’s Infinite Granite, concerned they were making a full shift towards shoegaze the kind of which put me right off Alcest, but I’ll admit that album has grown on me. It almost makes me feel bad that I think of Lonely People With Power in that cliche fashion as “a return to form” but, well, it is.

    Film Of The Year (Runner Up): Evil Puddle

    “Evil Puddle argues … that community is very, very real, in both narrative and form.”

    Interesting year for film. So many of the big award films this year were, frankly, absolute slogs, the worst kind of eating your greens. And here’s the bold Matt Farley embarrassing them with a shoestring budget and non-actors.

    Film Of The Year: War 2 

    “War 2 is the realest fucking movie out there. And if you disagree? You’re a fucking idiot.”

    Yes, Sinners is good–excellent, in fact–and probably what I’d go for if I was looking for the “mainstream pick.” But it’s still a pretender to the masala throne; better to go straight to the source. There was no bigger or better movie for me this year than War 2.

    (Note: if this trailer autoplays with a terrible English dub, please click through and change it to Hindi. Please.)

    TV Of The Year (Runner Up): The Rehearsal Season 2

    I was a latecomer to Nathan Fielder, but I think he’s probably this century’s greatest artist (at least so far) and I already believed that before seeing the second season of The Rehearsal. I saw some complaints that the first season was him repeating himself (Nathan For You’s Smokers Allowed/Finding Francis) but I think that was uncharitable: Fielder has been able to drill down on his artistic process (thanks, unrealistically huge amounts of money from HBO) and create the kind of work that changes the way people see the world. Simultaneously, there are things in this that are so funny it’s actually painful. I am in awe.

    TV Of The Year: Andor Season 2

    It was a close run thing, but Tony Gilroy’s ability to take Star Wars, probably the world’s biggest “IP” and owned by the most overpowering and surely risk-adverse cultural force today (Disney) and turn it into a genuinely meaningful examination of what it means to live under fascism? A show that’s willing to say the word genocide? Much like Twin Peaks: The Return, this was a TV experience of the likes I don’t think I’ll ever experience again, one which will stay with me forever.

    Previously: The exp. Game Awards 2025

  • The exp. Game Awards 2025

    The exp. Game Awards 2025

    It’s March in 2026, the proper time for you to do your X of the year post, because people who do it in December are missing an entire month, the bell-ends. I mean the Oscars aren’t until the middle of March, so if anything I’m posting this early. Anyway, without further ado:

    Retro Game Of The Year (Runner Up): Pro Wrestling (TRY, 1986)

    “I won’t lie–often when I’m playing these older games, I’m sort of just… working through them like a job. But Pro Wrestling? I just played it!”

    I thought I’d start off with something simple to ease everyone in, but turns out this is a really hard one–the best game not from 2025 that I played that year–because it’s a year I played things including the original Metroid and The Legend Of Zelda. There are some games I really enjoyed writing about, like Zombi, but I think I have to go for Pro Wrestling here because I was so impressed at how it recreated the ebb and flow of a real wrestling match on the NES as early as 1986, and that it’s still so playable today.

    Retro Game Of the Year: Leather Goddesses Of Phobos (Infocom, 1986)

    “An extremely solid classic rooms and items, bread and butter text adventure. The best I’ve played since Meretsky’s own Planetfall, and arguably the best I’ve played full stop.”

    Text adventures are an acquired taste and Infocom games are a pretty specific era, but I really have grown to love them. Unique amongst video games it really is like curling up with a lovely big book; I always imagine myself in a nice worn leather chair in a dark wood office, in front of an old IBM PC when I play them (I know I’m mixing my metaphors here.) Leather Goddesses Of Phobos is a superb Stephen Meretzky adventure, and while it’s no A Mind Forever Voyaging (a likely winner from a previous year) I just had such a great time with it and it has one of my favourite puzzles ever. An unchallenging pick, then, but what is my playing of all these retro games but looking for solace in an uncertain world, eh? Oh god… I might have unlocked something there.

    The “Live Service? More Like Death Sentence” Award: Rematch (Sloclap)

    2025 was an extension of 2024’s not just “maybe live service is not the answer” rumblings but also my own recognition that maybe live service just isn’t for me. This year I tried and put down Marvel Rivals in less than 20 minutes; I picked up and managed a few games of Helldivers 2 (even with friends) but then immediately forgot about it and the fact that it’s always updating doesn’t even remind me. But Rematch wins this award not just because it’s the one that was released this year because I thought it was genuinely great. It feels great to play–the amount of buttons is a little complex for someone like me who thinks Sensible Soccer is still the pinnacle, but it’s not ridiculous while compared to a modern FIFA (sorry, “EA Sports FC”). I thought it was going to lead to something like the period I had with Rocket League where I play it loads, almost to the exclusion of everything else, but I… didn’t. I stopped playing it after a couple of days simply because it was slow and annoying to get it booted up, through the menus and into a game, and the usual things–levelling up for cosmetics, and that–just wasn’t compelling to me at all. However, I’m beside myself imagining the universe where this is a single-player footy RPG. Oh well!

    The “It’s OK To Call Things Overrated” Award: Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 (Sandfall Interactive)

    “Clair Obscur’s narrative is a fucking bin fire.”

    As this is picking up awards all over the shop, what harm another? I wrote at brutal length about Clair Obscur with the ultimate conclusion that it was fun, but flawed [“could have saved us a lot of time and just said only that”–Ed.] before I even knew it was just a rip off of La Horde du Contrevent. But I have to give my most major recommendation to watching French video essayist Ache’s lengthy deconstruction of the white European biases of the game. Is it too far to say there’s something sort of colonialist about a JRPG getting all these plaudits simply because it’s from the west?

    The “My Favourite Essay” Award: Horses (Santa Ragione)

    “The difficulty of a work like Horses–if we accept my hypothesis that it exists in the spectrum of indigestible art–is that it is not a work about the horses, what happens to them, or Anselmo’s journey. It’s existence is, like Salò, a political act, to stand in opposition to the inauthentic, easily digestible product that floods our culture.”

    I wrote thousands of words on the idea that Horses–by being banned by Steam and Epic–fit into the same spectrum of “indigestible art” as Pier Paolo Pasolini’s Salò, or The 120 Days of Sodom. I am unbelievably proud of this essay and I’m not entirely sure where all the awards are for it (I’m sure they’re in the post) but I’ll give myself one for it now. I can do that.

    Game Of The Year (Runner Up): Evil Egg (Ivy Sly)

    Yes, I admit: I haven’t written this one up. But only because I haven’t beaten the “proper” boss. I have beaten the alternative boss, and in most cases I’d just count that, but here’s the thing: I love Evil Egg so much that I don’t want to put it down and call it “finished.” I just want to keep playing it. Evil Egg is Robotron 2084 as a light Roguelike-like with a near-Jeff Minter level of visual noise and it absolutely rips. I really struggled with if this was my game of the year, but I’m becoming more conflicted over my feelings of games that feed my addictions, that take me to the “machine zone.” However, this game is fucking free. The only thing it costs you is your time, I’m still just trying to work out how comfortable I am with that. A few more goes, though, that should help me understand.

    Game Of The Year: Many Nights A Whisper (Deconstructeam/Selkie Harbour)

    “It’s a rare video game that I say this could only exist as a video game’ but Many Nights A Whisper is one.”

    I played this in August, and I knew it was simply not going to be matched. A game that respects your time (done in the length of a film) that is thoughtful, paced well, features an enjoyable central interaction, and builds towards an unforgettable moment that you could only do in a video game. You can read what I had to say about it, but just buy it.

    Bonus: As I’ve actually never done a post like this before, here’s my previous “Games Of The Year” for the last two years, years in which I’ve been making a concerted effort to play more contemporary games than I have previously.

    Game Of The Year 2024: Thank Goodness You’re Here (Coal Supper)

    “If someone was to ask me ‘What’s the UK like?’ from now on, I’ll probably just say ‘Play Thank Goodness You’re Here!”

    Game Of The Year 2023: Hi Fi Rush (Tango Gameworks)

    “What makes Hi Fi Rush genius, I think, is that it takes a type of game I am incapable of not button-mashing through and adds a rhythm action component that doesn’t expect but rather, uh… politely asks you to hit your combos on rhythm. And it works!”

  • Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die (2026)

    Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die (2026)

    In Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die, Sam Rockwell stars as a man who claims to be from a future where AI has wiped out half the population and the other half live unable to escape their personal “perfect” AI realities. He takes a NORMS hostage with the belief that some combination of the restaurant’s diners will be able to reach the creator of the AI so they can install safeguards before it’s too late (the film, intelligently, accepts the inevitability of AI and has a sensibly scaled goal as a result.)

    Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die–immediately–takes aim at our modern affliction: that we’re all looking at our phones, all the time. The satire feels a bit broad, with entire classrooms of students all just trapped in an endless scroll, and I’ve seen more than one sneery “ok boomer” take on this. 

    But.

    Last year I worked background for a while on a TV show, which is a job I rather like; there’s a lot of downtime where you can do things like finishing editing that zine you were working on. I haven’t done it in years, and the one huge thing I noticed was that while there was still a small contingent of people who brought books, or wanted to chat with whoever they were sitting next to (whether they wanted to or not…) the largest cohort of people—who were of all ages—just looked at their phone. Now, I look at my phone a lot too, but I was taken by how the majority of them used it: on Instagram or Tiktok, scrolling at high speed, endlessly. Like they weren’t actually seeing anything. Just scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. For hours.

    It looked exactly like it does in Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die.

    Serendipitously, I’ve been reading the recent reprint of Natasha Dow Schüll’s Addiction by Design: Machine Gambling in Las Vegas, which details the concept of the “machine zone.”

    From the book’s description:

    “Natasha Dow Schüll shows how the mechanical rhythm of electronic gambling pulls players into a trancelike state they call the ‘machine zone,’  in which daily worries, social demands, and even bodily awareness fade away. Once in the zone, gambling addicts play not to win but simply to keep playing, for as long as possible—even at the cost of physical and economic exhaustion.”

    Social media, as it currently exists, has been designed in exactly the same way slot machines have. It has been continuously and intentionally evolved, using every trick gambling designers have come up with (and more) to make sure people pick up their phone at the merest hint of boredom or discomfort. And now AI is here to make the skinner box even more personalised than the algorithm has already managed, with the ultimate goal that, eventually, you don’t put the phone down. Ever. 

    A perfect smooth-brained populace, circuses so good they don’t realise there’s no bread.

    You might think I’m being histrionic, but addiction is a disease, and we now live in a climate of a designed disease. We’re all addicted—to varying levels—and we need to start treating it the same way we should be treating any addiction: by being hard on those who peddle the addictive substance, and treating the addicted with care and respect rather than punitive measures. And we need to wake up to this now, before it’s too late.

    Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die get it.

    It feels absurd for a Gore Verbinski movie to be the first thing I’ve seen outside of Adam Curtis documentaries to get it, but welcome to the resistance, I guess?

    Don’t get me wrong. This is a big, fun, silly film. It’s trying to make its point by being entertaining, not preachy, and here’s none of the nihilism of a Black Mirror. It embarrasses Edgar Wright’s The Running Man, a movie that seems like it’s trying to say something angry and real about the world we live in and manages to say nothing at all. And not only is it not a sequel, remake, or part of a franchise, it’s also not “new IP.” It’s just a movie, which is almost the most subversive thing about it.

    It’s a little scattershot, could be a little shorter, Asim Chaudry’s accent is… not good. But it refuses to fall into some traps that might blunt it (there’s no “AI can be good if we just use it correctly” here) and frankly, I’d follow Sam Rockwell anywhere.

    There’s not a lot of movies where I think “I hope a lot of people see this” but this is one of them, not least because it’s just a straight up enjoyable film. I admit I wrote this to post online, on a social network, but Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die chimed so much with my own experience that I now notice, just a little more, when I pick up my phone for what feels like no reason, and to then try and interrogate it.

    Sure, the movie might only be mildly illuminating on the dangers of our encroaching, all encompassing “machine zone”, but sometimes a little extra light on the problem is all you need to actually see it.

    Follow Mathew on Letterboxd.

  • The exp. Dispatch #16

    The exp. Dispatch #16

    I think we’re settling into a monthly dispatch after all; it seems like the correct frequency, for my own sanity at least…

    This Month On exp.


    Subscriber Posts: Öoo (NamaTakahashi, 2025) / UFO 50 #2: Bug Hunter (Perry, 2024) / Plug & Play (Frei/Rickenbach, 2015) / KIDS (Playables, 2019)

    Dang, big month for subs! Öoo will unlock in a week, as is the tradition for the monthly posts, but the other two will remain locked up ~forever~. The Plug & Play and KIDS article is a minor bonus to follow up on my Time Flies write up, but Bug Hunter is proof that I’ve committed to the UFO 50 project enough to write a second one at least.

    Unlocked Posts: Time Flies (Playables, 2025) / Defender Of The Crown (Cinemaware, 1986) / Fortune-499 (Thompson, 2018) / Thirty Flights Of Loving (Blendo Games, 2012)

    Particularly proud of the Defender Of The Crown article. I’ve been concentrating more on “modern” games recently, and look forward to digging into more “retro” soon, but even saying that Fortune-499 was from eight years ago, I’m hardly sticking to the cutting edge as it is.

    From The exp. Archive: Pocket League Story (Kairosoft, 2012) / Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow (Konami, 2003) / Steel Diver (Nintendo, 2011) / Crazy Taxi: City Rush (Hardlight, 2014)

    With a lot of subscriber exclusives this month, I’ve not exactly kept up the pace with archive posts only managing six. Here’s four of them, but if you ever want to make sure you see when I share them, you can follow me on backloggd (or bluesky, but you’re more likely to miss it there.)

    exp. Du Cinéma


    It has not been a great month for movies up here in exp. Towers. I put the blame at the feet of The Fantastic 4: First Steps, which really did basically put me off movies. And then I went through the doldrums of Marty Supreme and Weapons. Thank goodness I went and saw… a movie I haven’t posted about yet. Something to look forward to, then.

    Zine News


    Pixels and Polygons Quarterly 2026 Q2

    “Pixels and Polygons Quarterly is a self-published magazine about retro games…The games covered inside this new issue are: Ehrgeiz, Secret of Mana, and Parasite Eve”

    SCURO 08: Winter of 26 Special Edition

    “In this supersized 20-page zine, you’ll see a collection of essays, reviews and art all centered around horror movies. Handmade in the Twin Cities metro, this special edition covers the occupation of Minnesota and a celebration of horror cinema by black and latine creators, Minnesota-based scary movies, and thoughts on joy and art as a resistance.”

    Between the Scanlines – Issue Thirty-Five

    “This issue: features on Jerry Lawson, 2000AD games on microcomputer, and the early days of id!”

    Free Palestine Resource Zine 🇵🇸

    “I created a free Palestine zine I could hand out at events, here’s a downloadable version so you can print your own!”

    And Finally…


    This 1964 theatrical 35mm advert was posted in a new restored version from Kineko Video last year (and has been kicking about online unrestored for a long time) but it’s so beautiful in 4K that I just have to share it. That cinema texture!!!

    Next week on exp.: The only awards that matter.

  • UFO 50 #2: Bug Hunter (Perry, 2024)

    UFO 50 #2: Bug Hunter (Perry, 2024)

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