Developed/Published by: Sumo Digital / Sega
Released: December 18th, 2012
Completed: 4th January, 2014 (Completed every level of “World Tour” on at least Medium difficulty, completed Grand Prix as far as unlocking Mirror Grand Prix. Reached “S Class License.”)
Trophies / Achievements: 42%
This is probably a good way to start a Tumblr called “every game I’ve finished” considering by all accounts I haven’t really finished it, unless you strictly count getting as far as seeing the credits as a completion (and that happens mid-way through the World Tour mode, anyway.) But the astonishingly clumsily named Sonic & All Stars Racing Transformed is definitely one of those games that you eventually run out of steam on and just have to put away—especially because beating pretty much the entire game on Expert to unlock everything requires a level of dedication to a mascot racer that is beyond me.
S&ASRT, as I’ll call it I guess, is something I’d heard praised, though in retrospect I can’t really tell why. Developed by Sumo Digital (who let’s not forget worked on the superb ports of Outrun 2) this is the kind of game that seems to exist as a very vague way to exploit Sega’s long list of brilliant IP without having to use any of it properly by, you know, making a new game in a series, because, well, it might fail. So better to slightly please people who want to see another Skies of Arcadia by including Vyse as a playable racer, but making sure Sonic, who must still be a big selling point to somebody (children? Do children even like Sonic now?) is front and center as much as possible. Boom, two demographics sorted: people who like Sonic, and people who will put up with Sonic so they can see some old Sega shit.
This kind of thing can sort of work—Sega All Stars Tennis is actually a fairly decent way to whack on your nostalgia penis for a few hours, with, for example, the Space Harrier levels totally working—but the whole thing does, at best, leave you feeling a bit empty when compared to, you know, going back and actually playing Space Harrier. This is totally exacerbated by S&ASRT’s position as a mascot racer. You might think “oh cool! a Golden Axe level!” only to discover that you’re whipping around the course so fast that you barely pay attention to the decoration, and if you do, it’s not really super clear what about it makes it feel Golden Axey, or Shinobiey, or whateverey. The Shinobi one, for example, is just “generic Asian.” The only one that really works is the Nights level, which is impressively specific without actually being interesting.
And the racing isn’t really all that either. I mean, obviously there’s the whole “you get to switch between a car and a boat and a plane!” thing but what this largely means is that you can’t easily remember the tracks (because across three laps they can change wildly, switching you between vehicle) and the tracks are too bloody long anyway. The boats are about as fun as the hovercrafts were in Diddy Kong Racing, which you might remember as having been fun, but I can confirm were about as thrilling as pushing a Subbuteo man across treacle. The planes are fine, apart from when you can’t tell where you’re supposed to be flying, which is “usually.”
It’s obvious that the team at Sumo Digital has a lot of talent—the cars, at least, feel lovely—and that Sega is, more or less, forcing them to phone it in (It’s a bit glitchy, the difficultly level is way out of whack, and so on.) But most importantly, does anyone actually want something like this rather than, I don’t know, seeing any of the IP here given even this level of effort by Sumo Digital on a new game? Honestly, I’d be a bit harsher on Sega here for being so glib in their “no, we do like our old IP, see?” if they didn’t have M2 working their wizard magic on the 3DS Classics line, but taken in isolation S&ASRT is a waste of everyone’s time. The problem being, of course, is that because of the mild nostalgia layer you might not mind having your time wasted for a bit, and so they’re able to get away with it.
Will I ever play it again? I didn’t totally finish it so if I manage to finish every other game I ever want to play I could conceivably go back to mop up as many stars as I could and finish Mirror Grand Prix. Not doing so would be better for my mental health though.
Final Thought: They include a bunch of non-Sega racers too, stupidly. From Wreck-It Ralph they include… Wreck-It Ralph. Not Vanellope von Schweetz, who is a kart racer. For fuck’s sake.
This essay is featured in Every Game I’ve Finished 14>24.
