Developed/Published by: Capcom 
Released: March 5th, 2009
Completed: 11th February, 2014
Completion: Completed the main game on normal and then beat the two DLC chapters.
Trophies / Achievements: 645/1400

Finishing Fable III and discovering I had apparently purchased the DLC for it led me to dig through my past purchases; found I’d also done this for Resident Evil 5 at some point in the past (probably when they were on sale.)  So in a bid to—as with Fable III—get my money’s worth I loaded up the game that I originally finished on the 27th of February 2010 to play through the DLC.

So should this be my thoughts on the game, or the DLC? Because I’d be lying if I said I particularly remembered the game. In fact, here’s what I’d say if you were like “what did you think of Resident Evil 5?” last week before I played through the DLC:

“Ehh. It was fine, I think? I feel like it replaced all the amazing pacing—that ebb and flow—from Resident Evil 4 with a relentless go-go-go that was pretty bloody tiresome. But then considering it was co-op, I guess they were working backwards from the Gears of War series, which took what Resident Evil 4 did and made it brutally Western. And Japanese developers are so desperate to appeal to the West even when… what they were doing already did. Story was definitely nonsense, and the African setting is the kind of thing you could do something really clever with, but your common-or-garden ignorance spoiled that obviously.”

Video games are weird. Here I am, doing my best to finish them, and, you know, within a few years I barely remember them at all. But that’s the case, really, with all media that I consume once. When I die, I’m pretty sure the only things I’ll remember are Father Ted and the good seasons of the Simpsons. A game either has to hit so hard it leaves a crater—your Walking Deads, your Sword and Sworcerys—or be so short or replayable I revisit it over and over, like a movie I love. These triple-A shoot-me-dos? All these things will be lost, like tears… in rain. 

What was that from again?

Will I ever play it again? No.

Final Thought: Oh! The DLC! Utterly forgettable 45 minute long blips that showed what was going to happen with Resident Evil Giraffe-Blowy, which split up the game into discrete chapters with their own play styles. So one’s purely a classic RE scare-a-thon and the other’s a non-stop shooty-shooty-shoot. I forgot how nicely tuned (if tank-like) the player’s controls are, though! The end.